Poems by Katarina Majerhold, part 31/7/2022 When I don't want or expect anything more from her, I am happy. I am finally liberated and independent. Who even introduced me to the idea that she should give anything and be always available to me? She is also unique – she has her own life, thoughts, emotions, and actions. Let her finally afford them – whatever it may be her wish. She, too, should be liberated and independent. Mothers should never sacrifice for anyone. In my thirties, I realized that – when I read a famous female thinker. At 50, I am finally realizing that. Who instilled in us the idea that we as women are also Ivan? I also never ran after the (big) wagon and that is in the sky called Ursa Major! When you have absolutely no resentment, and you accept when she rejects you, what's more, you completely forget about her in the meantime, it sometimes happens that things turn around and the one who refused you long time ago I tell her that I don't like her now. If you have absolutely no resentment, and you accept when she leaves that she never remembered you it sometimes happens that things turn around and the one who is contacting you I tell her that I don't care about her now. When you have absolutely no resentment, and you accept that she ignores you, it sometimes happens that things turn around and the one who looked for excuses for how important she was, I tell her that I don't have time for her now. If you have absolutely no resentment, and you accept that she was unfaithful several times, she even laughed at you when she confessed to cheating on you, it sometimes happens that things turn around and the one who says she is sorry I tell her that it was hers and only her choice. If you have absolutely no resentment, you accept with a smile that one day everything sets in equlibrium, the past is no more and there is peace. I love my acquired independence, I like my self-confidence, I like my acquired self-image. I have always said that I won't be like my ancestors – I still stick to that today. I love my acquired ability, to tell in my own way how it is not to behave, not to talk, not to walk how one does not should think, feel and do. Buddha, Jesus, Confucius, Ala, Moses, Lama were not right. Feel free to think, feel and do your own way! What kind of partner do I want? Like most people. How cliché I am, right? But is anyone different? I still remember it today – a long time ago twelve years precisely when I fell in love unexpectedly –, how men and women, said to me in amazement: 'She's not beautiful at all'! I pointed out 'Who is cliché now?' Unfortunately, the love was not mutual. But an even more important question is would I choose someone else? What if I didn't really fall in love twelve years ago – if I did, would she respond to my infatuation with her infatuation? And then I remember at that time very interesting emotions and feelings, that overwhelmed me while I was listening to Schiller's song I Feel You In Everything. And I remember exactly that overwhelming emotions and feelings were not addressed to only her but they were an all-encompassing cosmic feeling of love, which applied to all beings, and especially to planet Earth, and I realized that love can be meant for any being and that love will resonate equally. And what kind of partner do I usually get? Pleasant, intelligent, beautiful, and kind. But the truth is much more than that she can be kind but not empathetic, she can be beautiful but cold, she can be intelligent but cruel, she may be passionate but unfaithful she can be attractive but calculating, and she may be calm but authoritarian. What we want and really get is misleading but in the end. it is all part of us even if we don't do the things we get. Venčeslav, smart, kind, pleasant. Ever since you came into my life it is getting better and more beautiful. More enjoyable, more loving, less aggressive, better paid, faithful and committed. You show me the beauties of the early mornings, when we are alone and except the chirping of birds on a nearby branch it is pure silence. We play a little with the scarf then you fall asleep again. Of all the animals, cats and dogs – the only winner my dearest Venčeslav. You are my star. Because I was never accepted I used to think that I should compromise for love. I don’t change for anyone today. You love me because I am who I am and not as I should be to suit your desires. Stars so self-substantiating and shining, yet so lonely. Did you know it takes eight light minutes to the nearest sun star or two million four hundred thousand miles? Just how could the stars feel love and bond with someone? If people all the resources they give for the army intended for a space program do you think we would already have space stations on the Moon or Mars? What if all the funds were spent on the education and empowerment of girls and women? Stars so self-substantiating and shining, yet so lonely. Did you know it takes four-light years to the nearest star Proxima Centauri? Just how could the stars feel love and bond with someone? If people all the funds they spend on cryptocurrencies and the stock market intended for sustainable development do you think that nature would be cleaner? What if all the funds were spent on exploited and slaughtered animals do you think there would be less violence in the world? Stars so self-substantiating and shining, yet so lonely – no wonder they look at us with such distance and indifference.
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