I always wondered why people tried to make types of attraction: does anyone has a type, do we have all our types? Does stereotypes and prejudices exist and if yes, does lesbian community has its own? I believe lesbian community has some stereotypes and I have my own type. When I asked former LL Passion writer Frost if she would write an article about prejudices, femininity and lesbians she was somehow reluctant and did not understand why I would want an article about that. I replied why not and if she did not notice that there were certain stereotypes and prejudices about feminine lesbians? She did not, she replied and at the end agreed to write an article and then forgot about it. However, I believe that 'femmephobia' is not uncommon in lesbian community and that there are unique ways that the negative perceptions of femininity intersect with LGBTQ+ identities as we can also read in the article »Femmephobia: The role of anti-femininity and gender policing in LGBTQ+ people's experience of discrimination« (Hoskin, 2019). Femmephobia exists mainly because femininity is traditionally considered to be a performance for men and as a means to attract the male gaze. Traditional femininity which is positioned in opposition to masculinity and is typically devalued in society, includes the assertion that women should be gentle, submissive, and sexually responsive to men’s advances. For instance, a good example of that is a recent scene of a lesbian couple, both feminine women, when approached by bunch of men making advances towards them in TV series Station 19 (USA, 2018-) broadcasted on 2 April 2020. As Hoskin states scholars have documented the devaluation of femininity for decades (e.g. noting that women are often taken less seriously in the workplace, are not seen as having the characteristics to lead effectively, etc.) and the ways femininity is socially policed (i.e. women who act outside of traditionally feminine characteristics are often chastised and punished) and that is why I believe that (some) lesbians do not appreciate feminine lesbians because they remind them of the things they wish to avoid and for injustices done towards them. Therefore regardless of the sexual orientation women who are more traditionally feminine are perceived to be seeking male attention and/or looking for male sexual partners, whereas when women presented themselves as androgynous or "butch," they are perceived to be lesbians, regardless of their true sexual orientation. Like there is some kind of implicit assumption who could genuinely pose as a lesbian and who not and that is defined according to traditional men or masculine, women or feminine definitions in appearance and behaviour. Such stereotypical assumption is not unique to only those who identify as women. Men who are more feminine in their body shape and/or appearance are often thought to be gay and looking for male attention compared to their masculine-presenting peers, whether or not they identify as such. This concept is at least two thousand years old and it is the same from ancient Greek to (post)modern structuralist or phenomenology philosophers. It presumes the binary of feminine and masculine, where feminine means weak, body, concealed, fragmented (dispersed), following and also beauty, grace, charm, seduction, attractiveness, being looked at, chosen and desired, whereas masculine means strong, mind (spirit), focused, leading, looking, choosing and desiring. It is astonishing what some philosophers said of women, femininity and which purpose should it serve and how most men did not find intelligent, educated, strong and successful women attractive and desirable. Perhaps the most notorious philosophers to be mentioned in this sense are Aristotle, Rousseau and Freud. This explains aforementioned notions of femininity and that is the reason why lesbian community is cautious with feminine lesbians. They assume they are not really or honestly part of the lesbian community and that feminine lesbian are just experimenting, seeking additional attention from and pleasure with women and therefore they are not serious and reliable. While on one side arguably "passing for straight" may come with some privileges, including being less likely to be targeted for one's sexual orientation, on the other side feminine lesbians often describe a feeling that part of their sexuality and their identity is ignored and not being welcomed for the exact aforementioned reasons and that is why they have continuously have to “come out”, proving their sexual identities and demonstrate that they, in fact, belong in the spaces they occupy. This sounds to me that lesbian community indeed have their assumptions about femme lesbians, if not downright prejudices or preferences to who is more welcomed into the community then the other, who best fits into appearance, behaviour and notion of being a homosexual or bisexual woman and who do not. However, looks can be deceiving and feminine lesbians are not only about being fragile, submissive, sweet and 'passing for straight' but also about being strong, independent and influential leaders and this is also where lesbian community falls short of feminine lesbians. As it is again showed in the episode (2 April 2020) Station 19 where femme lesbian (who used to be an Olympic athlete too) proves to be physically stronger then the male when performing the same physical task and in this sense defies the notion of the weaker sex. It is also worth mentioning that she plays captain of the whole fire squad/station 19 – however in 2022 she does not hold this position anymore. Sure, it is a fictional representation, however that does not mean there are no lesbians who are in fact feminine, strong and influential leaders on top positions in real life. I could also tell from my own experiences what prejudices and stereotypes I got from different people when I introduced my ex-girlfriend to them. For instance, a fellow female philosopher commented about my second ex-girlfriend: 'Oh, she is so pretty' in a genuinely surprised tone, like 'she is too pretty to be lesbian'. Another male colleague told me, it is too bad that such a pretty woman is a lesbian, another fellow male philosopher told me what a charismatic woman I was because I dated one of the most desirable women in the town where she came from, another complimented me for having such beautiful ex-girlfriend like it was some kind of victory/prize to be especially proud of. And this is the reason why people still remember her and ask me about her although I am not with her since 2009! Common people, I have long moved on.
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May 2023
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